Do you journal?

I can't tell you how many times I've been asked that question.  Do you journal? From nurses, co-workers, relatives and even my sweet husband, it's the same question.  You should be writing this stuff down. It's been the same question for the last 9 months so now, I can say, yes, I am in fact journaling this second round of cancer.  In the beginning, I didn't feel the need to pour out my heart and soul because I thought it would be a wham bam thank you ma'am.  1 and done. Turns out God has other plans for us.  

If you haven't been around since the beginning, let me tell you how it all started. In January 2014, I had a sinus infection/cold but did not go to the doctor right away because I had a huge meeting at work I was planning and that was just 3 weeks away so I put it off.  Mid-February, I finally made it my Primary Care - A round of antibiotics and a steroid shot and I was on my way.  4 days later and no improvement, back to the doctor. This time I leave with round of antibiotics, another shot and a referral to an ENT.  March 6th - my first biopsy. For the record, no fun.  Never at any point did I think the Dr. would call me and tell me it was cancer.  That just wasn't on my radar at all.  March 12th - Got the news, they found something on the biopsy and wanted me to see a Dr. at Emory.  It was a Wednesday around 11:00am when my life changes forever.  I was right in the middle of a staff meeting when I found out I had cancer - All I could remember her saying was carcinoma.  I didn't know what stage, how advanced, had it spread, nothing.  It was just me and my iPhone googling carcinoma. I get the call I can be seen at 12:30 at Midtown.  That was quick. Too quick? Thank goodness for the wonderful people I work with, Jen drove me to the Dr's office because I don't know if I could have made it on my own.  Still, even at this point to me carcinoma didn't mean cancer but when Dr. E said we typically treat this with 7 weeks of radiation and 3 rounds of chemo - That is when it hit me. I have cancer. Because cancer patients get chemo and go through radiation.  So I cried. A lot.  I was too young to get cancer, I had a family, we had just bought a new house, I had started a new position in my company, we were finally starting to make a home in Kennesaw.  We love our church, and small group,serving others, we tried to be good Christians and we fell down a lot but thank goodness for His grace we kept getting back up.  

There were lots of tears those first couple of days but there were just as many prayers. We laughed and cried and knew we would fight this horrible thing together.  I have been incredibility blessed with an amazing support system - They kept me sane during my first fight with this cancer - And I know they will be there for me as we start the second one@ Who gets one in a million cancer?  Who gets one in a million cancer TWICE??? Yep, this girl!  They don't make pretty ribbons for Head and Neck Cancer but it's real and it's out there and it has changed my life.